This is the third post in a series on marriage. You can find the first post here. To recap, my wife and I just celebrated our 25th Anniversary, and while I’m no Dr. Phil, I wanted to pass along some tips I learned along the way. We talked about Commitment, and tuning in to your partner. Today I want to pass on something I wish I knew 25 years ago as it would have saved countless arguments and lost sleep. Unlike a lot of other things that make a relationship last, this one is relatively simple… until you sit down at the table to talk about it. To make you marriage happier and life easier, you need to clarify roles and responsibilities.
This past weekend I had an adventure! I helped my son move from Medford, Oregon to Reno, Nevada as he got a promotion at the Guitar Center. The weekend was hectic as we drove from Sacramento to Medford, packed, drove from Medford to Sacramento, spent the night, drove from Sacramento to Reno, unpacked, then caught a Greyhound back to Sacramento. We braved the snow over the mountains near Mt. Shasta, raced a winter storm to Reno and unloaded in the snow. It was fun.
While we were packing in Medford, we made the decision to leave some things behind.To move and make room for new things, we had to leave some other things behind. This sounded like a great metaphor and reminded me of mental baggage we carry around with us.
If you want to get that promotion, is it just good enough to be good at what you do? I believe the answer is no. There are a lot of talented people who never rise above average. Not that average is bad, but as a leader, don’t you want to be better? Living near San Francisco, I sometimes drive down to Fisherman’s Wharf or Pier 39. As I stroll along the waterfront taking in the sights and smells along the shore, I pass by numerous street vendors and musicians hawking their wares. These people have talent! Yet it is pretty obvious that some of these folks have been beaten up by life.
My family and I were watching Salon Takeover on Bravo the other night where one of the hairstylists was obviously a poor performer. She wasn’t great at time management, talked incessantly about herself, disregarded her clients time constraints, was a poor listener, didn’t take criticism to heart and was a drag on the other stylists. This girl was nice enough, but was so full of excuses and a lack of commitment to improve.
This is the third post on staying married. You can find the first post here.
So far, I’ve talked about commitment. So what’s next? I think a big part of staying married is tuning into your partner. I understand that people change over the years, and sometimes people grow apart. However, I don’t think that growing apart means you automatically head down to the courthouse and file for divorce. In fact, I think that this one is a cop out. What does growing apart mean anyway? It is a smokescreen for the real problem.
In the January 2010 issue of PM Network published by the Project Management Institute (PMI), there was an article written by Jesse Fewell, PMP that stated that project methodology didn’t matter. His basic premise was that sometimes project managers get caught up discussing methodology instead of getting the project done. I understand his perspective as I’ve seen project managers waste valuable time trying to define something as simple as a “phase” of the project. Or, perhaps it was a subproject? Of perhaps it wasn’t either but separate projects. I’ve also seen them debate the project schedule. Should it be a waterfall or should it be iterative? Should it be Agile, or for software development a form of Rapid Application Development (RAD).
Recently I was walking down a street in downtown Sacramento on my way to meet with a client. The entrance to the building I was heading towards was quite extensive and consisted of three sets of double doors. The street was relatively empty and I could easily feel the presence of the other men and women walking nearby.
I am finding it hard to admit that I’m no longer 25 and that the world has changed significantly over the last 20 years. I try to stay relevant with new trends but have run into those as young as 40 who don’t want to adapt to how business is done today.
With the unemployment rate so high, I’ve been pondering about the differences between those that have jobs and those who don’t. Sometimes, it is just being in the right place at he right time, or the wrong place at the wrong time. While I understand that life just happens, I don’t like losing. I want to maximize my chances of getting ahead and staying ahead. Here are some tips that I’ve learned over the years that have seemed to help, despite being unemployed twice in my career.
Loading ...
Twitter
LinkedIn
Facebook